April 17, 2019 It's Time to Retire "RTFM" The culture of programmers and other technologists is plagued by [toxic elitism](/content/blog/2016/8/25/tech-has-a-toxic-tone-problemlets-fix-it/index.html). One of the manifestations of this elitism is an unrelenting hostility toward so-called “non-technical” people ( [a](/content/blog/2019/4/17/if-you-can-use-a-fork-youre-technical/index.html) [distinction that’s also ready for retirement](https://medium.com/compassionate-coding/if-you-can-use-a-fork-youre-technical-352e21d92c87)), beginners, and ultimately anyone asking for help. If you’re unconvinced, please spend a few minutes browsing the popular¹ question-and-answer site, [Stack Overflow](https://medium.com/@Aprilw/suffering-on-stack-overflow-c46414a34a52) ² ( [just make sure you prepare yourself emotionally beforehand](https://medium.com/@Aprilw/suffering-on-stack-overflow-c46414a34a52)). One example of this hostility is the popular acronym “RTFM.” If you’ve never heard the term RTFM, consider yourself lucky. It stands for “Read the F\*\*\*ing Manual.”³ Lovely, right? It’s often used to respond to questions when the respondent believes the asker could have found the answer “easily” in a technical manual or, more broadly, through other research. **When you use RTFM, you’re saying, “Not only am I not going to help you, but I also want to make sure that you feel ashamed about your inability to help yourself.”** **If we want to create more effective teams and a more inclusive tech industry, we need to retire RTFM and the associated sentiment from our culture.** I wish it were obvious to everyone that this acronym is unkind and counterproductive, but when I [tweeted about it](https://twitter.com/compassioncode/status/901174707134709760), I received some objections that indicated that a deeper exploration may help. Compassion will be our guide as we walk through the problems with RTFM, the reasons you might think you need to use it, and what you can do instead to create a more inclusive and productive tech industry. ## **Notes on Terminology** ### **It’s more than just RTFM** RTFM is one of the more blatantly rude examples of hostility toward people asking for help, but it’s certainly not the only one. “Just look it up” and “Google it” are examples of milder, but also problematic variations. There’s even the entire website letmegooglethatforyou.com. In this article, I’ll use RTFM as shorthand for any of these declarative variations of the expression. ### **Compassion is not politeness** I mentioned that compassion will be our guide, so I want to clarify its meaning: **Compassion is not the same as politeness or good manners; compassion involves understanding suffering in ourselves and in others and actively desiring to alleviate it.** Another way of looking at it is that compassion presents an optimization problem: minimize suffering. If we’re not building technology with an eye toward minimizing suffering, what’s the point? **Compassion often demands candid and direct communication, so being “fake nice” is not compassionate.** ## So, what’s wrong with RTFM? ### **Problem 1: It is devoid of empathy.** When someone comes to you with a question, that human being is experiencing some form of suffering. Perhaps it is extreme suffering in the form of frustration, confusion, or fear. Perhaps it is mild suffering stemming from the desire to satisfy curiosity. In any case, there is some level of suffering. RTFM does nothing to acknowledge this suffering. It is therefore a rather callous response to people who come to you and expose their vulnerability by asking a question. ### Problem 2: It assumes negative intent. When someone asks you a question, how can you be certain that the person hasn’t already read the manual (or other documentation)? How do you know that the person hasn’t done extensive research before approaching you for help? ... ### **Problem 3: It promotes shame.** The implication of RTFM is that the asker could have found the answer to the question without asking, and is therefore violating some social law by asking. This can easily stir a sense of shame in the asker. Shame is such a painful feeling; it is cruel to knowingly encourage it in others. In addition, negative emotions like shame are distracting, and they shut down our creative ability to solve problems. ### **Problem 4: It discourages learning.** Usage of RTFM discourages learning in a number of different ways. First, it makes the asker afraid. Fear may stop the person from asking questions in the future, even questions that you might find appropriate to ask. Since asking questions is a great way of learning, your use of RTFM may hamper this individual’s learning. Second, since you’re not taking the time to show someone how to benefit from reading the manual or doing web research, etc., the person won’t improve in that meta-skill of research, either, which means they’ll continue struggling in the future. Third, it actually prevents you from learning, too. It cuts off further communication, which keeps you from thinking about potential gaps in your organization’s documentation, for example. ... ## **A Final Request** When someone comes to you with a question that you think is “stupid” or “lazy,” please pause for a moment and consider what they might be feeling—and what you’re actually feeling. **Rather than responding with some version of RTFM—an expression that lacks empathy, assumes negative intent, encourages shame, prevents learning, and contributes to inefficiency—please consider these more compassionate alternatives**: 1. **Silence** 2. **Clearly communicating boundaries** 3. **Asking follow-up questions** With small changes like retiring RTFM, all of us can do our part to create a more compassionate, welcoming, productive tech community. ## **About the Author** April Wensel is the founder of [Compassionate Coding](/content/site-root.html), a conscious business that helps technical teams cultivate sustainable, human-­centered software development practices built on a foundation of emotional intelligence. She has spent the past decade as a software engineer and technical leader at various startups in Silicon Valley, building products in such fields as healthcare, education, gaming, and user research. As an advocate for a more socially responsible tech industry, she also mentors technologists around the world and volunteers with organizations to teach coding to people from underrepresented groups. When not coding or speaking, she enjoys writing, running ultramarathons, and experimenting with vegan recipes.